It has be a fast, hectic, busy 2 months. Went over to support AI in Ex Battleking for the cadets as a BC trainer in Crescendo for the last 3 weeks. Many things happened there. Spiritual things too. I was so fortunate to have the Creator of Heaven and Earth as my Protector. I am so lucky to have a hundred angels from Him to protect me. I am honoured to be set apart by Him. Touched down on Sat early morning from Crescendo and headed straight to my dad's b'day chalet. Didn't have much of a good rest there either.
Finally....... I, finally, managed to catch up with some sleep this afternoon. It was refreshing.
Haven't totally been myself these few days. I don't know why. Ever since I started travelling, my heart yearns more. And every time i return to Singapore, my heart sank a little and I felt that I have left a part of me in that particular place I've just been. Its very hard to describe. Its almost feels like depression. My heart wanders and sway, wondering what I can do next. I'm surrounded by many questions. Why do I have such a free and wandering spirit within me? Why can't I be like everyone else, contented with settling down? What am I searching for? Love? Home? The other half? Satisfaction? God? Myself?
I know that when I have God... I have Jesus with and in me, I'm already made whole. But why am I still not able to settle down? Is it just Singapore? This place is so darn hectic.... I'm living in a world that change faster than I change my underpants. Crude description but true to the max. I want a place where I can really sit down in the morning sun and read my bible, spend time strolling down the beach with Jesus, To talk to God, to finish my book, to stare into the sky for hours.
Maybe its the break of routine. I hate to stop once I got started and its seems like I'm going to have a cold start all over again after all. My spirit is restless. My mind is ticking, My body is lethargic. I don't want attention, I don't want spot light. I just want to spend some quality time alone. I just want to feel the warmth of the morning sun on my skin, the cool sea breeze in my face, a cup of hot tea and my bible in my hand. I need some time to start all over again.
Finally....... I, finally, managed to catch up with some sleep this afternoon. It was refreshing.
Haven't totally been myself these few days. I don't know why. Ever since I started travelling, my heart yearns more. And every time i return to Singapore, my heart sank a little and I felt that I have left a part of me in that particular place I've just been. Its very hard to describe. Its almost feels like depression. My heart wanders and sway, wondering what I can do next. I'm surrounded by many questions. Why do I have such a free and wandering spirit within me? Why can't I be like everyone else, contented with settling down? What am I searching for? Love? Home? The other half? Satisfaction? God? Myself?
I know that when I have God... I have Jesus with and in me, I'm already made whole. But why am I still not able to settle down? Is it just Singapore? This place is so darn hectic.... I'm living in a world that change faster than I change my underpants. Crude description but true to the max. I want a place where I can really sit down in the morning sun and read my bible, spend time strolling down the beach with Jesus, To talk to God, to finish my book, to stare into the sky for hours.
Maybe its the break of routine. I hate to stop once I got started and its seems like I'm going to have a cold start all over again after all. My spirit is restless. My mind is ticking, My body is lethargic. I don't want attention, I don't want spot light. I just want to spend some quality time alone. I just want to feel the warmth of the morning sun on my skin, the cool sea breeze in my face, a cup of hot tea and my bible in my hand. I need some time to start all over again.
Tame my spirit, My Lord.
Searchlight 20 Aug 2008
"Angel and Devil is but a choice away."
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